guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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