We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
