I think I am morally bankrupt
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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