i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
