Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
