Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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