they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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