im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish you could order shots online.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
