I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize