Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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