he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
