Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
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I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
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I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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