Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
