There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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