Already got asked if we're dating
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
