omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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