my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
