Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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