Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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