i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
