Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
