Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
