I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
porn star boner night. come get it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
