I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
