some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
