The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
being pregnant is like rehab
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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