just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
They are going to name an STD after you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
