just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
