So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
