Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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