dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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