I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
