im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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