He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
