Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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