My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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