I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
