...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
