Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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