I accidentally had phone sex last night
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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