TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
did i just pee glitter
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