I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
