i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
