WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
