So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
