I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A+ Viking dick
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
