wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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