Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
