So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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