Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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