How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
