Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
