when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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