Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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