You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
