Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
