So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
