bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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