Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
