I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?