i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.