I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
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You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.