shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
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Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will