Where is the hickey?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.